"big hearts break easily"

Primero

Well he's got another album out, and every song makes me think of you, of course. Any note of violin, a word of Jack's Mannequin and instantly my mind is flooded.

I thought you were worthless, absolutely worthless, you know?

No more important to me than the gum I spat out this morning, no more significant than the daily black coffee, just a routine of making and pouring. You were nothing, you see?

And yet you were everything, absolutely everything.

The reason my grades dropped, 'cause we were texting all the time. The reason I was off coffee, 'cause you gave me a buzz without the caffeine. The reason why when my phone rang a silly love song played. We were so stereotypical, you know that? I started my day with you, a brown paper bag always waiting in my locker with my favorite breakfast, except on Thursdays, but you knew that.

We knew each other's schedules backwards and forwards, and you promised if I ever needed someone, you would be there in a second.

But that was the mistake, can't you see? You were the reason I needed someone, but I had no one because you wanted to keep things a secret. I thought that was cute and mysterious, so I played along.

Yet you were there when I needed you most. And you were the best I could have asked for.

You broke me, but at the same time you shaped me. Your letters sit tucked away, but I know exactly where they are. When you ask how I am doing, you make my day without even trying.

You threw out my letters because we treated each other like shit, but I wish you still had them so you would know how much someone could care about you like I did.

I hope you meant every word, 'cause I was real every second with you.

You gave me everything I wanted, and showed me everything I feared.

You were nothing, absolutely nothing.

You were everything, absolutely everything.

And now you are stuck, and all I want to do is help you, but I don't think you want me to.

"There was this time when everything seemed to have come together. And so obviously it was time to go and screw it up."

Hey, thank you for making me feel though.

Milestone

Post number two hundo, baybeeee.

Unfortunately I was sick today so I couldn't really write. But hey.

200 posts. That's a lot. Thanks to those of you have stuck around, if there even are any of you.

It's been fun.

Tuesday Tellings, week 17

I'm scared you're lying.

I'm scared you're holding back.

But I don't know which one would be scarier if it were true.

I'm not in it to win it, I'm in it for you

I can feel your warmth even over 2,048 miles.

There was the same time
Every day
That the sun came
To rest on the table,
Warming the clear glass,
Coating its wood surface.
One day
I was so sick of this routine
Seeing the same thing
Every day,
So I scratched the glass,
And it made a harsh noise
I swear, I swear.
It echoed with your voice
Still trapped in the room,
Isolated
From everything except
My presence,
Not willing to go anywhere.
Now your voice is gone
But the scratch lingers.

Breaking reflection

I've been staring for far too long.

This mirror not only reflects the obvious -
Dust lingering on the glass,
Doubles so close,
A duplicate world
dlrow etacilpud A
That you can almost touch
All sight, no sound.
Take a picture
And you'll see
The brother flash,
But she won't dare take pictures
'Cause she doesn't feel
She doesn't feel beautiful enough.
She's been handed so much time to overcome -
Overcome what?
Overcome all those obstacles
That she has left silent,
That she has left in the battlefield for so long,
Left bloody and bruised but certainly still alive.
She just runs by it
'Cause she doesn't feel
She doesn't feel strong enough.
One day she was running,
The star on the necklace
Her father gave her softly
Hitting her chest
As a reminder
That he is always there
That he is always there
Even if she runs away
'Cause she doesn't feel
She doesn't feel good enough.
She was running
And she halted 'cause there was
There was a stranger standing there quietly,
A stranger who asked a question that froze
Her world momentarily,
A stranger who asked the question,
"Why do you run?"
And she was
Frozen
For just a second,
But she said "to break the mirror.
To step on all the people that made me feel."
Then she kept running.

Response

Love this

Lucky number seven

Seven dollar dinner.
Seven hours in the sun.
Seven weeks left until you come home.
Seven months of blogging as of today.

Strange how time goes by, isn't it?
I've been redundant lately. My apologies.

Yesterday as I stared out the window
I noticed the shadow
Stayed still,
Stagnant,
While everything else flew by.
Trees, insignificant signs, broken
Down cars.
Choose to slow it down
If you will
Unless you're eager to get
To where you want to be.
The scene changes
The location changes
But it is always a destination.

Take notes

Flight.

Learning

I'm learning to approach this.
I'm learning to process this.
I'm learning to accept this.
I'm learning to live with this.
I'm learning to go along with this.
I'm learning to have fun with this.

I'm learning to enjoy this.

This too shall pass

(Persian:این نیز بگذرد, een niz bogzarad, Hebrew: גם זה יעבור, gam zeh yaavor, Turkish: Bu da geçer)

A proverb, indicating that all material conditions, positive or negative, are temporary. The phrase seems to have originated in the writings of the medieval Persian Sufi poets, and is often attached to a fable of a great king who is humbled by the simple words. Some versions of the fable, beginning with that of Attar of Nishapur, add the detail that the phrase is inscribed on a ring, which therefore has the ability to make the happy man sad and the sad man happy.

Continued

Things work out one way or the other; you win or you lose.
And you can't win all the time, you just have to face it.

So here's the poem I promised you:

Since you parked on that corner,
No one has dared
Touch that spot.
It was where you held my hand,
And time seemed to
Stop
While the rain continued
To fall.
3 A.M., and the thunderstorms
Start, not unlike
The night you dropped me off,
Echoing
Echoing
Echoing
The threatening raindrops.
On my bed that sweater
Patiently waited, listened to the old clock's tales.
The article of clothing
Was once a
New gift,
But its fibers
No longer hold your smell,
Instead contain tears
Drying from my tired face
Only to be replenished soon after.
You say
"Don't cry my girl,
I'll be home soon."
But it all seems to be
A misunderstanding.
Your absence,
Their absence,
My absence.

Just because the road looks long doesn't mean there's not an end.

Tuesday Tellings, week 16

Short but sweet this week. That's what you get. Take it or leave it.

I guess my secret is this; I'm vulnerable. Completely vulnerable.

You can build your walls up and up and up...

but eventually they'll be too tall and fall apart.

Purpose

Absence

That's what today was about.

I knew I had a gut feeling of some sort.

But it's not a definite, noticeable absence. It's sudden, incomprehensible absence.

I started to write, but I just couldn't finish.

I'll post it tomorrow, I promise.