Milestone

Post number two hundo, baybeeee.

Unfortunately I was sick today so I couldn't really write. But hey.

200 posts. That's a lot. Thanks to those of you have stuck around, if there even are any of you.

It's been fun.

Tuesday Tellings, week 17

I'm scared you're lying.

I'm scared you're holding back.

But I don't know which one would be scarier if it were true.

I'm not in it to win it, I'm in it for you

I can feel your warmth even over 2,048 miles.

There was the same time
Every day
That the sun came
To rest on the table,
Warming the clear glass,
Coating its wood surface.
One day
I was so sick of this routine
Seeing the same thing
Every day,
So I scratched the glass,
And it made a harsh noise
I swear, I swear.
It echoed with your voice
Still trapped in the room,
Isolated
From everything except
My presence,
Not willing to go anywhere.
Now your voice is gone
But the scratch lingers.

Breaking reflection

I've been staring for far too long.

This mirror not only reflects the obvious -
Dust lingering on the glass,
Doubles so close,
A duplicate world
dlrow etacilpud A
That you can almost touch
All sight, no sound.
Take a picture
And you'll see
The brother flash,
But she won't dare take pictures
'Cause she doesn't feel
She doesn't feel beautiful enough.
She's been handed so much time to overcome -
Overcome what?
Overcome all those obstacles
That she has left silent,
That she has left in the battlefield for so long,
Left bloody and bruised but certainly still alive.
She just runs by it
'Cause she doesn't feel
She doesn't feel strong enough.
One day she was running,
The star on the necklace
Her father gave her softly
Hitting her chest
As a reminder
That he is always there
That he is always there
Even if she runs away
'Cause she doesn't feel
She doesn't feel good enough.
She was running
And she halted 'cause there was
There was a stranger standing there quietly,
A stranger who asked a question that froze
Her world momentarily,
A stranger who asked the question,
"Why do you run?"
And she was
Frozen
For just a second,
But she said "to break the mirror.
To step on all the people that made me feel."
Then she kept running.

Response

Love this

Lucky number seven

Seven dollar dinner.
Seven hours in the sun.
Seven weeks left until you come home.
Seven months of blogging as of today.

Strange how time goes by, isn't it?
I've been redundant lately. My apologies.

Yesterday as I stared out the window
I noticed the shadow
Stayed still,
Stagnant,
While everything else flew by.
Trees, insignificant signs, broken
Down cars.
Choose to slow it down
If you will
Unless you're eager to get
To where you want to be.
The scene changes
The location changes
But it is always a destination.

Take notes

Flight.

Learning

I'm learning to approach this.
I'm learning to process this.
I'm learning to accept this.
I'm learning to live with this.
I'm learning to go along with this.
I'm learning to have fun with this.

I'm learning to enjoy this.

This too shall pass

(Persian:این نیز بگذرد, een niz bogzarad, Hebrew: גם זה יעבור, gam zeh yaavor, Turkish: Bu da geçer)

A proverb, indicating that all material conditions, positive or negative, are temporary. The phrase seems to have originated in the writings of the medieval Persian Sufi poets, and is often attached to a fable of a great king who is humbled by the simple words. Some versions of the fable, beginning with that of Attar of Nishapur, add the detail that the phrase is inscribed on a ring, which therefore has the ability to make the happy man sad and the sad man happy.

Continued

Things work out one way or the other; you win or you lose.
And you can't win all the time, you just have to face it.

So here's the poem I promised you:

Since you parked on that corner,
No one has dared
Touch that spot.
It was where you held my hand,
And time seemed to
Stop
While the rain continued
To fall.
3 A.M., and the thunderstorms
Start, not unlike
The night you dropped me off,
Echoing
Echoing
Echoing
The threatening raindrops.
On my bed that sweater
Patiently waited, listened to the old clock's tales.
The article of clothing
Was once a
New gift,
But its fibers
No longer hold your smell,
Instead contain tears
Drying from my tired face
Only to be replenished soon after.
You say
"Don't cry my girl,
I'll be home soon."
But it all seems to be
A misunderstanding.
Your absence,
Their absence,
My absence.

Just because the road looks long doesn't mean there's not an end.

Tuesday Tellings, week 16

Short but sweet this week. That's what you get. Take it or leave it.

I guess my secret is this; I'm vulnerable. Completely vulnerable.

You can build your walls up and up and up...

but eventually they'll be too tall and fall apart.

Purpose

Absence

That's what today was about.

I knew I had a gut feeling of some sort.

But it's not a definite, noticeable absence. It's sudden, incomprehensible absence.

I started to write, but I just couldn't finish.

I'll post it tomorrow, I promise.

Eight weeks

Blah. I'm stuck. I need to get out of this city for a while.
Today I wrote about lies.

Deceit, twisted tales
Spin around your head,
A masterfully crafted story
Finds its way into belief,
Cleverly disguised as truth.
One cannot fathom the manipulation
Until faced with both sides,
An undeniable contrast.
You spit out bullshit, you know that?
Your words almost come out laughing
At their own incredulity,
And by now your silence is comforting.

One

Stumbling into the shower,
I struggle with the knob,
Icy cold water pressing on my skin.
A wave of nausea rushes through my stomach
As the water races down my temples,
Drips over my brow,
And slices vertical lines on my cheeks -
The water blends with my tears,
Uncontrollably falling at the same speed.
Dizziness fills my head,
Vision blurring while tears continue to fall,
Drowning in the fresh steam.
We can't rewind now,
Although the dusty speakers,
Seemingly dormant on the counter,
Begin to play music.
Skipping, a scratched CD,
Spitting out the same words again and again
Until my tears grow tired,
Sick of falling and wanting to rest and forget.
So the speakers are unplugged,
But the dust remains.

I like water.

Fifty-eight

I'm going to miss you.

I'm just scared to know the ending

And so come the final two days.
However, you can't have the better times if you don't have the hard times.


Heat suddenly surrounds her lips.
He passes over them,
Slowly moving to her neck.
Brushing away her hair,
He inhales that familiar scent
Lingering on her skin.
His fingertips graze her bare shoulders,
Simultaneously sending tingles down to her toes.
He toys with the chain around her neck,
A small gold star falling to the middle,
Engraved on the back,
Matching the words on the inside of her ring.
A promise.
She reaches in her pocket,
Each breath completely audible,
And slowly takes out a faded paper,
Torn and frayed from
Dozens of erasing and rereading,
Attempting to find the perfect words.
She silently places the paper
In the center of the boy's open hand,
Lightly brushing the creases
That carve his palm.
This paper contains truths,
A promise,
And a confession.
What she has been too scared to say.
She places a kiss on his cold cheek and walks away without a word.

I think if you wait long enough for all your attempts to fail, you'll finally find the right one after fucking up so many times.

Tuesday Tellings, week 15

Hmm. This might be the weirdest Tuesday Telling yet.

So you know how on Friday I was talking about how unplanned days are the best? Well I was at a grad party and started talking to one of my friends. Neither of us had plans later for the night, so we decided to go hit up the Dollar Movies.
We ended up seeing Clash of the Titans... which leads me to my secret.

Those kinds of lame Greek mythology things, I'm not going to lie - I love that kind of shit. I was still twelve years old when I was begging my friend Jack to loan me his Age of Mythology computer game. And when we read The Odyssey freshman year, it came to be one of my favorite books of all time. I've never been religious, but something about the way the Greeks used to think fascinates me.

So... yeah. I'm a huge nerd. I know it.

Broken, but temporarily repaired

I'll take it though.

I don't know, maybe I should have trusted my gut. Although how much would that have changed?

Things are really confusing for me right now. I have a million ideas and things to write about but no time to really sit down and do it.

I'll try to take some time tonight, and give you some writing tomorrow.

P.S. this week's Sunday Secrets kicked ass.

P.P.S. I bought "Champion" by Kanye West as my new ringtone. I can't wait for people to call me. Especially when I'm in public.

About to break

Do you ever feel like punching someone straight in the face,

crying for a bit, then sleeping for the next two months?

I do.

Do you ever feel like this is the moment when you will begin to question absolutely everything?

I do.

Do you ever feel like what you worked so incredibly hard for is

not paying off whatsoever?

I do.

Do you ever feel like making the choice to follow your heart was the wrong one?

I do.

Failure? No. My fault? It's a possibility. Will it get better? We'll see.

I hope so.

I can't wait to go back to Avon

so I can forget.

Spontaneity

Unplanned days are the best.
Just get an idea and go with it.

"Do whatever you want,

who gives a shit?

Rob a bank, stop eating;

go out and change the world

or burn your house to the ground.

Throw your hands in the air

because you just do not care!

For god's sake,

breathe that fucking air and live your life."

Donedonedonedonesummerrr

You know how you meet those people, fall in love with them, and never see them again?
Well that happened to me today.

I went for a run, minding my own business and in the running mindset. I passed a man, running in the opposite direction, we passed each other and exchanged a smile.
About a mile later, I got a pretty bad cramp in my side and had to stop and walk. After a few feet of walking, I hear someone behind me ask, "not feeling too well today?"
It was the same man I passed before.
He wasn't strikingly good-looking, but as soon as he asked me this simple question, something changed.
We talked for a while - I never found out how old he was but it didn't matter.
He asked about my run, my day, and then told me about his adventures with the Boston Marathon and gave me advice on my marathon plans.
He told me his name was Colin, I told him my name, and he told me it was very nice to meet me and he'd probably see me running around town somewhere again.
Then we went in different directions.

It was about five minutes, but five minutes certainly not wasted.
And after we parted, my cramp was gone.

4 down, 1 to go

Here we go, baby! Last day. And it's gonna be great. I can tell.

More later.

Tuesday Tellings, week 14

It's all about numbers these days, isn't it?
Never in a million years would I picture myself here -
Playing almost the entire second half of a regional finals qualifying match,
Putting as much heart and determination into the game as possible.
Here, halfway through high school,
With 2 days standing between me and a summer that can't seem to define itself.
Here, with someone who's made me happier
Than I thought I could be, and kept me happy.

But hey, I'm not complaining.

My secret? I'm scared for the summer.

2 down, 3 to go

"Life is like photography; we need negatives to develop."

I think that just happened with high school.

So close to summer.

I'm confident, yet I'm lost. I'm spinning, turning, swirling, yet I'm anchored in place.

"And I get to kiss you baby, just because I can."

2 weeks

It's not enough time.

Then again, is it ever enough time? In any situation?

I guess it's one of those "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone" kind of things.

On the other hand, I'm about to face too much time.

That is, too much time to think about it, too much time to spend by myself.

"Standing on the Edge"

1 down, 4 to go

And I can smell summer already.

Only the home stretch is left now.

Tuesday Tellings, week 13

So maybe it's a day late. Actually, two days late. Oh well. Shit got busy. It happens.

My secret is that even though there are some days where I love soccer, there's something about it that frustrates me and kind of makes me hate it. I've played since I was 3 or 4, and I've tried taking a season off but it was too weird to not play, so I went back without even passing on a whole season. I kept with it because... well, because I guess I'm decent at it. Maybe it's a lot of worrying to do over something simple like a sport - a lot of people just tell me to quit if I don't like it - but it worries me mostly because it seems to mean that I don't have control over something like this, and this "manipulating" it does freaks me out about my control over other things.

Who knows.

But that doesn't mean I can't be fucking excited for the World Cup.

8 days.

Speechless

I just.... I don't even know.
What a world.