Remember

Yeah.

Decision

Just so you know, this week is going to be busy as hell.

I have a lot of prioritizing to do and decision-making to do and research to at least start. Time feels like it's going so slowly and yet I already feel like I'm running out.

Today I was told something I had never heard before. I'm not sure how to interpret it. And it's ironic because it involves separation, which is what my mind is going through right now. Separation of opinions, choices, all of that.

After waiting my whole life to be "grown up" and to finally become a teenager, I honestly don't think I'm ready. I am becoming evermore aware of my dependencies on things, and on people. After wanting to leave home for so long, now all I want to be able to do is just come home.

Home is a strange concept (and now I'm just rambling...). What qualifies as home? Is it allowed to be called a home even if you are not able to go there all the time? Are home and family necessarily directly related? What qualifies as family?

I'm all over the place, my apologies.

Pause

Hi. Sorry I didn't write anything yesterday. And I don't have much to say today except that today was great. A nice breather in the middle of some craziness. I'll write something better tomorrow, promise!

Overwhelmed

I'm a little bit of everything right now. Sick, stressed, alive, tired, happy. Overall, I would say I'm satisfied.

I got what I asked for.

Comedy

I always seem to say the words "isn't it funny" in blog posts. I don't know why, but that always seems to come up. Maybe I'll have some explanation later.

....Isn't it funny how some of us run around as a whirlwind of emotion, up one second and hitting the floor the next? And how we yearn for just a few moments of tranquility, a breather in the middle of this madness.

But once we get this break, we go crazy because this peacefulness is so unfamiliar, and we're itching to return to what is familiar.

I don't really like what society has made of us these days.

I think I have decided what I want to do. But I am too scared to go after it.

Ramblings

As soon as I begin feeling burned out, there are those quiet fighters that will keep you going. When you're in cruise control. you tend to ignore them, their input usually insignificant. But when you need them there, they are there. And that's the best thing you never asked for.

I think it's crazy how fast six months can go by. How can you remain so close with someone for six months? Wouldn't you just grow tired of them, figure out exactly what they would say in response to this or that, know what they would say in response to any random question you might ask?

Nah.

That just makes everything better.

Isn't it funny that I gained and lost faith so many times that I eventually lost faith altogether? But you brought that back, and here we are now, still strong 180+ days later.

You bring light into my life every single day.

Honesty

Jeez. They're not kidding when they say it's going to be the busiest year of your life.

I know, I know - I promised to update daily once school started, blah blah blah. That's not looking too promising. My original goal when I made this blog was to post every day and keep it for a year. Obviously I haven't been able to post daily but I'm still planning on keeping it until its anniversary.

For now, here is my renewed promise to you - although it may not be new writing, I promise to at least post every day. Whether it's a song, a picture, something, I'll try and keep this baby interesting. Deal?

Good.

See you tomorrow.

Farewell

Color

I feel like a lot of writing is....................... sad. And hey, sometimes mine is too. It's how I feel. But I am going to try to make my writing happy, hopeful, inspiring. Or at least, if it has to be sad, make it angry, easy to relate to, and humorous. Throw some good stuff in there I guess.

New York, although I was only there for a few hours, was a breath of fresh air. Although I don't really know if you can call New York air fresh. It was a brief taste of something different. Which apparently is what you need when you are not sure where to go, what to do, who to see.

So yeah. Oh hey and shout out to mah new followers. Thank you! I always enjoy feedback.

It is all a mask, you claim.

Your games are foolish and your life is silly,

All a work of your imagination.

You wear several layers of clothes

Just to protect your skin from the world -

Hiding your fingers with gloves

So you can still recognize their shape,

Watch them move

Before you but feel nothing.

You would never know,

Never even guess how much

You taught me,

Your subconscious lessons engraved in my mind,

Stuck to me

Like your stupid layers,

Unable to remove.

As I walked down this tired road,

Weary with thousands of footprints,

You were suddenly stripped away.

Your layers peeling

Off, leaving my skin cool.

And for the first time in years

I took off

My shoes

And felt the ground beneath my feet.

"The school system was invented by industrialists, and its only function was to train people to work in factories. When you slap on top of it standardized testing and No Child Left Behind, what you are left with is a system optimized for compliance - the opposite of what we need. What we need to teach is how to solve interesting problems." -Seth Godin

Commentary

It's funny that as life goes on, time feels shorter. You have experienced more of it, you have tolerated its crazy mind games and manipulation. It can freeze you in your tracks and it can throw you around like a ragdoll.

"Summer's dead," "summer's over," "school starts soon..." yeah yeah yeah. We know. But school hasn't started yet. Why not live the hell out of your last few days? You are not going to want to look back at your summer and be like "shit, man. I wish we did something fucking crazy those last days."

So hey. Take these last few days, this final weekend, and go have some fun. I'll be in the big apple until late Saturday night or early Sunday morning, hopefully returning with a fresh mind and fresh ideas.

Do what you need to do to live.

Predictable