'Cause you can see it when I look at you

"You can say I'm the one curly fry in the box of the regular..."

Mmmhm.
Questions are racing through my head, and

I'm overanalyzing all over again.
Somehow I can't break this cycle.
There are a million things I want to ask you but two million things

I want to hold back.
I have writers block because my mind is rushing.
So now I'm stuck.

"middle of nowhere"

Tuesday Tellings, week 9

I didn't tell you all of what it really meant... I wanted to though. Good things come to those who wait, I guess.

Slipping, tripping

Over words for once.

Stumbling, tumbling,

Thoughts tangling when I pass you.

Breaking, aching

For a moment with you.

Once I find a second alone

In the chaos of the day,

I realize
All I need

Is to be with you -

One smile, one kiss,

Even a brush of your fingertips

Can get me through the day,

Plaster a smile on my face
That I couldn't get rid of

Even if I tried.

Please, stay with me this summer,

Where we can stay up

Long enough to see the sunrise,

Then fall asleep and share a blanket

Or two.

I'll wake you with a kiss,

People-watch in the park

And walk barefoot 'til our feet turn black.

Catch fireflies and make wishes,

Share kisses,

Watch the stars emerge

One by one,

And make up constellations.

Won't you stay here with me?

I have a story before my secret. First I was thinking of a secret, then I realized I had already posted it in another Tuesday Telling. So today, my secret is that I am afraid I am running out of new things, of things to tell people. I am afraid I have been revealed, which scares me. Nothing is holding me back - which some people would consider a good thing - but I consider it safe, secure.

So, let go of all the mixed emotions / Forget all your hesitations / Together entwined inside this feeling / Your feet off the ground, headed ceilin'

Dr. Seuss was right

This poem is kind of all over the place.
Like my mind... but that's not a problem - it's because of you.

And the songs that play
Just admit the words
I'm too afraid to admit,
Perfectly illustrating my thoughts
That haven't quite reached words.
I open my ears at
5:03 a.m., eyes at a close second,
Piecing together that
Familiar symphony
Of thunderclaps and raindrops
Harmonizing,
Even their breaths in sync.
Maybe this storm will help me
Clear my mind,
Because you have been the
Only thing
On it lately, and
I'm not sure where I am going.
Number five,
Thirteen,
One,
Twenty-two.
They are all what I have dreamt about
In the past -
Becoming reality
Faster than I realize.
It was March 13th,
April 2nd,
December 26th,
February 13th.
Every single minute was worth it.
I hope you think so too.

"And I was like, that's the shit right there"

Oh nine - one oh

There were days
Where we felt like we were stuck
In an Opium War,
Unable to meet the supply to the demand,
And realizing
Martin Luther really was right -
And you, Charles V, are wrong.
You might have thought
That what you were doing was the right thing,
Always first in line for charity,
But everyone can see
Through you and your
Silly tricks.
You're not fooling anyone -
You're just another Chaucer character.
But then out of nowhere
Comes that methane boom
You should have seen on the first day,
And you have found the
Hot spot in the glass tray
Of heated marshmallows,
Stabbing it gloriously with a toothpick,
And everything
Makes sense.
So maybe not every polynomial can be simplified
Without using the quadratic formula,
But at some point
We all have to
Face the facts -
Direct and indirect objects do matter.
Through all the
X equals who-gives-a-fuck,
Why not China? - because that's just the way it is,
And seemingly unbalanceable equations,
It's all just like looking for
The Big Dipper on the quiet shores
Of the Pinery -
It was right in front of your face the whole time.

Additions

17. You make my heart beat like crazy.
18. I believe you when you tell me it's going to be okay.
19. Whenever you text me I smile before I even read it.
20. Your list was without a doubt better than mine.
21. I like surprising you, even if you don't want me to.
22. I love that you can pick me up.
23. You keep me from worrying. Really.

"Dreams of Flying"

I guess it's coming true.

Just the thought of you can drive me wild.

In a word, exorbitant.

Waiting for you.

Boundaries, borders, barriers.

Goodbye, April.

The honesty of my music has left me too exposed

It all comes spilling out like I hit a vein.

And I've been getting high to balance out the lows.

And if my tears hold value, I would drop one for every single thing you showed me.

And I'll be standing in a puddle.

You know I spend money because spending time is hopeless.

And know I pop bottles 'cause I bottle my emotions.

I should be on top of the world, just chillin' here.

And now security follows me everywhere so I'm never actually alone, I just always feel alone.

I think I'm scared of what the future holds.

I remember you, this feeling isn't new.

Oh, but it is. It so is.

And you have no idea how badly I want to tell you.

We'll have the days we break, and the scars to prove it

As I rest my head on my pillow,
I can hear my heartbeat
Echoing in my ears.
Maybe if I close my eyes
I can pretend it's yours,
In hopes of pulling me away
From this heartache,
Tugging, pulling, pleading for you.
Yet there's nothing I can do
Besides wait for time to pass,
Wait for the clock to change,
Watch the calendar until the page turns,
Listen for the alarm to go off,
Telling me you are here again.

Time time time. Is that what this is about?
Happy 5-month birthday, blog. (one day late)

I promise you that

We're marchin' on, we're marchin' on.

Disorganized. Apologies.

Yeah yeah yeah. You bet that was me.

Today was way too up and down for my tastes. In fact, it wasn't even up and down. It was down, down, down, down, DOWN, down, UP. Exactly like that.

But I'm hoping that means something good for tomorrow.

I think things will be alright.

The epitome of today/this week/how I feel/check all that apply, right here.

You said you loved me, and I kind of believe that. These days who knows what that means?

With your feet in the air and your head on the ground, try this trick and spin it, yeah. Your head will collapse but there's nothing in it.

And you'll ask yourself, where is my mind, where is my mind, where is my mind?

Way out in the water, see it swimmin'?

Tuesday Tellings, week 8

I think I know, but for some reason I can't say it out loud.

It's harder than it sounds. Or am I not allowed to say that because I'm technically not even saying it?

Such Great Heights - The Postal Service

Too bad I'm slightly afraid of them.

Blurbs:

Prison gates crashing,
Door into door
Until the guard finally wakes,
Seeing that his prisoners have escaped;
Running into a cloudy freedom
That even they have to discover.

Geometrical configurations
Tying into
Wicked puzzles
And riddles
It's like passing my troubles,
Once, twice, never again.

Once, twice, never again

So far I've spent my day listening to The Postal Service

because you said I'd like them.

You were right.

But whether that's because I actually do like them

or just because you like them, I'm not sure.

Stargazing in your lonely car

Everything's a blur of noise, a mixing of senses I can't configure.

One minute I'm with you, higher up than I could imagine.

And another minute I don't know where I'm going.

Where were you? Where am I?

The weather matches my mood.

Once, twice, all over again

Maybe I'm blind, maybe I'm blind
Oh I couldn't see you shine
And shimmer right in front of my eyes
Front of my eyes, oh no

I never saw light, never saw light
All I saw were faded mirrors and dim reflections but,
You shine, you shine so much brighter, oh

So honey let me sing you a song,
And listen to my words as they come out wrong, but don't
Run away, run away, this time.
And honey let me look in your eyes
You can open them one at a time, but don't
Look away, look away, this time.

Open your mind, open your mind,
To know that you don't have to hide
So please don't leave me
Don't meet me outside, leave me outside, oh no.

Oh and honey I'll try, honey I'll try to hold you
Like the starry skies, we lie beneath tonight,
Cause you shine, you shine so much brighter,
Oh oh oh oh

So honey let me sing you a song,
And listen to my words as they come out wrong, but don't
Run away, run away, this time.
And honey let me look in your eyes
You can open them one at a time, but don't
Look away, look away, no, look away, don't look away, oh

And honey let me sing you a song
And listen to my words as they, come out wrong, but don't
Run away, run away this time
And honey let me look in your eyes
You can open them one at a time, but don't
Look away, no, look away, no, look away, don't look away, oh

And don't, look away, look away this time.

Don't look away, look away, this time.

I am, you are

It never gets old. Ever.

It's like every time it's something new, tingles on my lips.

There's something about you that makes time go by crazy fast.

Faster than I want it to.
But know that I will always be there. Always.