Honesty

Jeez. They're not kidding when they say it's going to be the busiest year of your life.

I know, I know - I promised to update daily once school started, blah blah blah. That's not looking too promising. My original goal when I made this blog was to post every day and keep it for a year. Obviously I haven't been able to post daily but I'm still planning on keeping it until its anniversary.

For now, here is my renewed promise to you - although it may not be new writing, I promise to at least post every day. Whether it's a song, a picture, something, I'll try and keep this baby interesting. Deal?

Good.

See you tomorrow.

Farewell

Color

I feel like a lot of writing is....................... sad. And hey, sometimes mine is too. It's how I feel. But I am going to try to make my writing happy, hopeful, inspiring. Or at least, if it has to be sad, make it angry, easy to relate to, and humorous. Throw some good stuff in there I guess.

New York, although I was only there for a few hours, was a breath of fresh air. Although I don't really know if you can call New York air fresh. It was a brief taste of something different. Which apparently is what you need when you are not sure where to go, what to do, who to see.

So yeah. Oh hey and shout out to mah new followers. Thank you! I always enjoy feedback.

It is all a mask, you claim.

Your games are foolish and your life is silly,

All a work of your imagination.

You wear several layers of clothes

Just to protect your skin from the world -

Hiding your fingers with gloves

So you can still recognize their shape,

Watch them move

Before you but feel nothing.

You would never know,

Never even guess how much

You taught me,

Your subconscious lessons engraved in my mind,

Stuck to me

Like your stupid layers,

Unable to remove.

As I walked down this tired road,

Weary with thousands of footprints,

You were suddenly stripped away.

Your layers peeling

Off, leaving my skin cool.

And for the first time in years

I took off

My shoes

And felt the ground beneath my feet.

"The school system was invented by industrialists, and its only function was to train people to work in factories. When you slap on top of it standardized testing and No Child Left Behind, what you are left with is a system optimized for compliance - the opposite of what we need. What we need to teach is how to solve interesting problems." -Seth Godin

Commentary

It's funny that as life goes on, time feels shorter. You have experienced more of it, you have tolerated its crazy mind games and manipulation. It can freeze you in your tracks and it can throw you around like a ragdoll.

"Summer's dead," "summer's over," "school starts soon..." yeah yeah yeah. We know. But school hasn't started yet. Why not live the hell out of your last few days? You are not going to want to look back at your summer and be like "shit, man. I wish we did something fucking crazy those last days."

So hey. Take these last few days, this final weekend, and go have some fun. I'll be in the big apple until late Saturday night or early Sunday morning, hopefully returning with a fresh mind and fresh ideas.

Do what you need to do to live.

Predictable

Spur of the moment

"Tell me something good."

".....we're alive."

Coffee shop romance

I've come to the realization that my life is like a car being steered by a reckless driver; I'm either in cruise control or slamming on the brakes.

My mind's been swimmin',
But it sure feels like I'm drowning.
Please be my life jacket,
Wrap yourself around me and help me float.
Bring me back to shore,
Because in this panic,
I have lost
All sense of direction.
When I stop hearing,
Point out where I can heal.
And when I stop seeing,
Take my hand,
Whisper to me what to do.
And when I go numb,
Sing me a song to bring
Warmth back into my heart.
You can heal me,
But until you start trying,
I'll just sit here slowly falling apart.

Time off

Do you ever find yourself connecting with someone on such a deep level, enough that you swear your thoughts, triumphs, and struggles are all in sync?

But yet, you have never even met this person?

It's crazy what the world does to us these days.

If you're losin your high then smoke again

Future's lookin reeeeeeeeeeeeeal good.

Backbone

Just wanted to say... I'm here for you.

Can you be there for me too?

Reverse psychology

Twisted and turning,
Beginning to run didn't help
'Cause her footsteps only echoed,
Falsely forming the presence of another,
And so in turn
Her heart
Sprinted,
Outrunning her feet
Until it felt like bursting.
She stopped, her chest heaving
Like churning waves, but her mouth
Was as dry
As a desert.
A light flickered, momentarily
Seizing her attention, leaving behind
Her breathing
For a second.
The firefly lit up in front of
The streetlight
And for a moment they were identical,
Illuminated,
In unison,
Together painting a new dimension
Purely of light.
Absorbed in this world,
She shuts her eyes until
She sees spots, hoping that maybe
When she opens them again
She'll be home.
Day opened its young eyes first.
There is no sun, but I can see light on the horizon.

You thought I was kidding, I thought you were stupid.

Walking, wandering, one day in the woods,
Sun spots like you see
In the movies, tracing closely, copying
The path I walked.
An old tree sat there.
Silent and simultaneously telling a thousand tales
With its scarred skin.
Peeling but still alive,
Reeling but at peace,
Feeling but out of touch
From the rest of us.
A ladder, never given life, led a path
Up the tree
But I couldn't see the top,
Craning my head like we did in
New York City, holding hands
And struggling to see
The sky.
But this forest is another kind
Of city,
Disintegrating instead of expanding.

Favor

Hi. I think I owe some apologies!

As you most likely realized, I was gone for two weeks, heading to a place I once loved and thought I was going to feel lost in for the first time, but shortly after arriving I jumped right in and truly experienced the phrase "having the time of my life." And that was primarily thanks to all the wonderful people that I genuinely love now and cannot wait to see again.

So... mmhm. Yeah. Now I am at "home," fully launched into preseason, so needless to say I am a little busy. I wrote a lot today, so that might make up for some of it, but I can't make any guarantees that I will give you something new every day. But I promise promise promise to pick this up more once school starts!

And one last thing - a late happy 8-month birthday to this blog. Nine's coming up soon!

These bittersweet goodbyes they give,
A bad aftertaste in your heart.
But with their hands
And with their hearts
They will catch your tears,
Erase them but still leaving a trace -
A warm scar,
Reminding of you of this place you call home
And now leave behind,
Unsure but hopeful of return.
Your body departs
But your soul will forever stay
With the gently lapping waves
Of the lake,
And the whispers of Mattimuro.
Driving away,
You slip on sunglasses
To soften your stares on what is
Ahead. Your tears have dried
But that scar remains,
Still beating in your heart -
That place looks harsh out there, but you think
To yourself, reminded of next summer -
"I like the way the world looks behind these lenses."

Departure

This morning, I woke up
Feelin brand new and I jumped up
Feelin my highs, and my lows
In my soul, and my goals
Just to stop smokin, and stop drinkin
And I've been thinkin - I've got my reasons
Just to get by, just to get by

I've lost all track of time

You've got me in circles

Hey, my name is Carrie and I have cried ten times

in the past twenty-four hours.

So... the solution? Take me home again.

Where ya gonna go? Salvation is here.